“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him… There has never been a greater deed; and whosoever shall be born after us — for the sake of this deed he shall be part of a higher history than all history hitherto.”
— Abraham Miyamoto, 193 B.C.
Feh — Legendary Owl
- Feh’s Talons (Might = 999+, Range = 9+)
- Grants Health, Attack, Speed, Defense and Resistance +99. “I can’t let them counterattack! No, I’ll be the one counterattacking… If foe initiates combat, regardless of foe’s range!”
- Feh’s Mimicry (Range = 9+)
- “I’ll do my best impression of any hero. Well, if they don’t mind.”
- Eavesdropping Owl (Cooldown = 100)
- “How I gather all of the juiciest information on Fire Emblem Heroes.”
- Feh’s Mighty Flat (A Skill)
- Use wings to send target paper flying off the notification board.
- ??? (B Skill)
- Target can’t help but watch what happens!
Int. Syst. decided to bring us to the Beanbean Kingdom’s Joke’s End by introducing the ultimate end-all-be-all unit for Fiber Inglewood Heroes today.
Feh. Slayer of Gods. Destroyer of Worlds.
Truly whomever bequeathed such a auspicious avian ally upon us mere mortals hath decided that we no longer need to play this dumb mobile game anymore.
Once everyone summons this non-simian, sort-of slithering sociopath with the beyond generous chance of 0% (as the Associated Press now allows percent in symbolic form), there will no longer be any need to play.
All quests will be immediately completioneted.
Hero Catalogs will be more full than me when I am full of fine meals such as:
- A hearty boigor.
- Ninety-nine individual green beans mushed into one super bean.
- That gunk underneath the sink except if that gunk was actually a chicken masala.
We will be free.
Free to pick out which fashion style we want our Bratz-tastic bird to bolster when bombarding enemy bases!
Hit it, Madam Couture:
Available costumes for Feh:
- Scorge of Dreamland
- Mitre Cap
- Freddy’s Big Birthday Bonanza
- Golden Mini Feh
- Rubber Duckie, you’re the One
- Markiplier’s Crown
- Bunny Hood
- Summer Lovin’, had me a Blast
- Hagrid’s Loud Noise Warning
The end is nigh.
Kiss your wife and kids goodbye, it is time to ascend into the aether of purgatory.
God is dead. We have killed him.
Long live the King.
This is how April Fools jokes work, right? Piggybacking off of a company’s April Fools joke to make a different joke?
I’m assuming the pre-conceived notion that I enjoy writing about Fire Emblem Heroes might make people double take at this weirdly set-up post and have a nice chuckle.
However, at the bottom of this jokey joke I wanted to seriously address my recent absence from blogging.
Chalk that up to a combination of a party in Fullerton I went to Saturday that lasted until 4:00 a.m. Sunday, followed by most of that Sunday spent shopping with my parents while playing Shantae: Half-Genie Hero.
I’ve already blown through three campaigns in the span of a day or two, and if I were you I’d expect a review of sorts within the next couple days.
Hopefully I’ll be better with my writing in general this Spring Break. I have a bunch of extra time that I’ll mostly be using for homework, but I want to keep y’all in mind too.
All I have to do is figure out things to write.
So, if you have any ideas, let me know about them somewhere on the Internet!
In the meantime, I’m off to catch some Z’s. Because I didn’t expect to be up so late making this joke post.
Merry Aprilmas, my friends!